Responsibility & assigned responsibility

What's mean by responsibility and assigned responsibility ? For me, it is just the different of one is u urself opt to take up the responsibility and another one is somebody assigned the responsibility to u or simply a given task. eg, A decision made by ur own is ur responsibility while assignments，projects, exams, given are assigned responsibilities. But once it is given to u, then it is ur responsibility now. They often contradict with each other.
The cute "meh" opt to get water in order to make it survive....
As for me, i would not simply take up a responsibility if i have not making serious considerations and really putting lots of hard efforts into it. A background of borned in a family with 5 other siblings and being the middle one in the family would definitely formed me to have some sense of over-responsible, it's just not that easy for me not care the things that people think is not important while i consider it is. Probably developed due to family background...

Therefore, i feel quite uneasy or umcomfortable when sometime people told me that "放心，很容易的！" I just have the feeling of suspisious and it't just ur own opinions, the important is that how i feel. Of course, i know the purpose is trying to make me feel better.

From b4 the moment, till the moment and now i took up the responsibility to be a cell group leader, there's lots of strugglings, mixed feelings and learnings. But i know Lord is observing, pottering my every movements.

I'm the kind of the person that not talented in speaking and i dunno ever how to express my own words and opinions, probably the kind of action speaks louder person. My world is probably not full of interesting words or probably a bored rectangular box that what it is, it is without any descriptive words. There's reasons behind all these but probably only able to share it next time. Thus, i always told people that"我很不会讲话的". Thanksfully, i think i got improve a bit already while i consider it as worst in the pass. I feel strongly and i like this verse very much.

箴 言 25:11:一 句 话 说 得 合 宜 ， 就 如 金 苹 果 在 银 网 子 里 。

Proverbs 25:11 : A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.

Therefore, it's really challenges for me to lead a cell group especially verbal communications are really important for the links in the group. I often face the problems like "do they really understand what i say, do they get it?" I try my best to explain and think how to care my group members. I worried that whether they are being cared in my group. I just don't want anybody to feel being abandoned. And, it really a tough task and really need to put lots of hard efforts, time only on caring, contacting...which people maybe considered it as "remeh-temeh" things. And, i often prayed for this things to lord, finding it't really hard and just wanna to struggle over it with HIM. Probably people will laugh at me squeezing my head so hard just due to this simple task.

Only the communication part i opt to learn so hard already and the rest also got to keep it up. There're lots of "still learning" homeworks with the bless of this responsibilty. May Lord supplied and equiped me with whatever things He want me to learn especially through responsibilites to this almighty Lord..